We all talk about charity. Most of us would look up to those who practice. But we never question the motives behind the charity. I had some time to think things through, and here are my thoughts.
As you might already know, I’m just a sixteen year old guy, who just passed out from his tenth grade. My heart does bleed for the poor, and I do wish, and try, and sometimes practice charity. A good friend of mine, Titus, told me that it is wrong for a person of my age to give to charity, as we don’t earn money, so its not our right to give that which is not ours. To a certain extent, that’s true. But then, when I talked about this to my other good friend, Hari, he told me that even if we donate money that’s not ours, somebody stands to benefit from it just the same. These two arguments keep pestering me whenever I think about donating, and many times, the devil in me convinces my inner self to go with the first choice, just so that I have more money to spend for myself. But after much thought, by myself this time, I was able to bring Pride into this issue.
You might wonder how pride gets entangled into all this. Well, let me tell you how. First and foremost, although the deed of giving to charity is commendable, the motives behind it matters. After lots of thought, I came to the conclusion that people give to charity for two reasons basically. One is the obvious one-to help other less fortunate people. The second one, although one which we all tend to deny, can be disturbingly true. The second reason for donating is purely selfish, I might add. Many times, we donate just so that we feel good, or maybe just so that we can pacify a guilt that could’ve arisen from a past wrong deed. Isn’t that a selfish reason? Doesn’t pride play a role here? Well, it does, because some people, just to feel proud of themselves, just to show everybody that they have a big heart, donate to charity. This is exactly where pride comes in. To some extent, prejudice too.
I was suddenly reminded of another disturbing, yet true thought which my good friend, Sarvesh told me. He said that charity, albeit noble, can sometimes offend. Think about it, if a kid like me walks up to a grownup who’s in need of help, and offers financial assistance, how would that person feel? Wouldn’t he feel hurt? Wouldn’t he feel reduced? Wouldn’t his self esteem go down the drain? Wouldn’t his pride crumble like dominoes?
I must confess, many times when I feel sad for some person in need, when I feel the need to extend a helping hand, I myself do not know why I feel the way I feel. I don’t know if it’s a selfish reason, whether it’s a charitable and noble reason. I even feel that the charitableness that I feel sometimes is just an empty feeling, because in the end, I do not act charitable. So, in the end, I ask myself, is it pride? Is it prejudice? Is it nobility? Or is it just another one of those feelings that randomly come like winter breeze? I do have the fear that if I do find the right reason for the charitableness in men, perhaps the truth would be so disturbing, perhaps the revelation that only pride causes a person to donate or not donate, that would crush me, and would prove that humanity has a heart of stone. Of course, no one till now has found the reason for feeling charitable. Maybe if we find out the truth, then the whole act of charity will cease to be charitable. But like a candle in a dark room, hope springs eternal, as great people like Mother Theresa come flooding into my memories. There is still hope. There is still the unanswered question, and we can still pray that selfishness has not taken over charity, that pride will not prevent us from being charitable, that pride will not give us guilt after being charitable. God, what kind of thoughts do I get in this long and boring vacation?????
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