Awake

Today, I woke up, and I felt different. I did not know what the different thing was. One thing was sure, I was really happy because my mother agreed to buy me a PS3. After a lot of personal argument, debate, and conflict, I had said yes to my mom for getting the PS3. Before, I would have felt guilty for even the smallest extravagance in spending, but recently, I, along with the help of my friends, convinced myself that its okay to buy a PS3. I mean, you get to enjoy life only during these years right? Plus, if I remain modest, then there will be no problem or guilt. Today also, I met kacka, whom I mentioned in a previous post. Today too, he blessed me, and said I would never be sad (I know that won't come true :p) and for some reason, I felt good, rather than all depressed on seeing his tattered clothes. Today, I also felt an almost alien feeling- courage. I felt strong and brave. All these days, I have been worrying about the future. Would I have a good well earning job? Will I be able to take care of my parents? Would I get a loving wife? Would I be a good parent? I thought of all these unnecessary and crazy crap, and today, for a strange and unknown reason, I wasn't unsure or afraid. I somehow convinced myself, that life would take its course. So, after a long time of self imposed misery and exile, I've woken up. I now feel happier than ever. Yet, a strange nagging feeling that I'm happy now because there's misery ahead is there on my mind, but I'm determined to be happy, atleast for a few days. Many of my close friends have begun to get sick of my always being negative and depressed, and its time for me to change.

I wrote in a post before, that like seasons change, we should also change. Well, I plan on changing, for the better. I will be a more cheerful person, a better person. I will forever remember this day, as the day I woke up from my dreaming.