A Question Without An Answer (Another Negative Post :P)

Today, like all the other boring and usual days, I was the laughing stock at class. There was a debate on whether cell phones should be allowed in school. I gave all valid points, but I was laughed at, while over confident and popular people laughed at me, made me look like a fool, and then, to counter my point, said general points which are not even applicable for school children. Although their points were crap (here, I'm being a bit arrogant, but hey, a little is okay I guess!), I was the one who was laughed at, who was made a fool of. So, as usual, I started drowning in inferiority complex and pity (that's how pathetic I am, no?). Then I asked myself a question, and I realized that I did not have an answer for it.

I was asking myself, why I was always the laughing stock. I mean, okay, I don't look like Brad Pitt and all, in fact, not good at all, but still, what have I done to earn their laughter and their mockery? Then, I realized, it was all my fault. It was because, I always got too emotional, I always over react. I antagonize everyone in an instant. I realized that I am a totally, without doubt, a different person when I'm in front of others, and again totally different when I'm alone. I just wish that I can get that personality of me, when I'm alone, to be the dominating personality. Well, I got the answer, that since I was always an asshole, everyone laughed at me. But then came the most obvious question, how can I change this asshole? How can I control my emotions, my reactions, so that I may, for a change, not be the laughing stock of the class, and be treated with some dignity and respect? That is a question whose answer I have not found. My friends say look in God, I do, and yet, the very next day, I'm the same, I wake up the same, and I feel the same. Some others say I should talk to someone about it. What good is that going to do? Will they take my position in class? No. So, what is the answer? What is the solution? Is there a solution? Can I atleast be respected by more than three people in my class? Or will I be Mr Achhooth (its my nickname, sort of a pun to my name, which means untouchable, and I hate it) of the batch ? Will someone ever stop talking behind my back, laughing at my antics and gimmicks and outbursts? Also, like any other teenage boy, will any girl like me (don't make any conclusions hehehe)? I guess I am an asshole after all. I'm surprised it took me so long to recognize it.