There is one who's attraction I can't resist,
No matter how much I persist,
Her words are sweeter than wine,
She will push aside everything that is thine.
Her skill lies in deception,
She is best at nothing but manipulation,
She sways me with her promises and lies,
And in the process,leaves the good things in mounting piles.
She has the most beautiful face,
Her smell,her scent,none in our race,
All that she desires,she possesses,
She robs a part of those she touches.
She makes you do that you would not,
But she coaxes like a feathery cot,
And after all is said and done,
She makes you feel like you've touched the Sun.
Then the harsh realization dawns,
That she used you like all her pawns,
And now has thrown you into the sea,
With heavy rocks tied to your knee.
She loves to see you drown,
She will smile,but never frown,
As her seawater enters your body,
As you writhe in agony.
For every single time she has made you plunder,
Stronger will you be pulled under,
Into a deep and gaping hole,
So dark that it will scar your soul.
If you see a ray of light,
If you triumph in the fight,
She will tempt you once again,
And if you fall in,Oh What A Shame!
This is what guilt does to you,to all of us,to me.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
My Bad,My Ugly and My Good
Today is a special day.Today,I've genuinely felt the need to change.I genuinely feel I should not remain who I am.So,I'll make a start by mentioning my faults and bad deeds,in an effort to release the burden and start anew. First and foremost,,I've been ungrateful for the life I've been given. Despite an amazing school, food, clothes, house, family, friends, a healthy body, I've continuously ignored them, and pretended to grieve over problems I did not even have. I asked for more than what I needed. I've been looking down at myself with contempt, and in the process, spitting at God, showing my ungratefulness.
Secondly, I've been a bad son to my parents. I failed to remember that they too had problems, and real viable problems unlike me, but I refused to see them because I was stuck inside my selfish and narcissistic cocoon. I wish I could openly speak about all this, but I am too cowardly to accept my faults in the open. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful father, whose knowledge of music, cricket, racing, football, and so many other things, among music and books have given me hours and hours of admiration and joy. My mother's perseverance has no equal. Her never-ending love for me was something I did not see, and I spat on it with my rebelliousness and anger. I took the things they said way too seriously, when they were stressed beyond measure and when I knew they didn't mean it. I wish I could pay for this, because their sacrifices are too great. I feel bad about only thinking about myself most of the time. I feel bad for allowing myself to get provoked, manipulated and angry so easily.
I feel bad for lying to Titus, and still blaming him silently for his anger despite knowing that his anger was justified. I feel bad for all the times I've knowingly and unknowingly behaved rudely to security guards,rickshaw drivers, and maids. I feel bad for ruining the mood of many other people just because my mood was bad. I feel bad for showing all my pseudo-problems to the world and attracting pity. I feel bad for being a bad grandson and forgetting that old-age has its own tensions,again I became a self obsessed narcissist.
I feel bad for not working the hardest and giving my best effort towards studies despite the fact that millions would even kill to get the opportunities which I've received and to some extent,wasted. I feel bad for spending large amounts of money on unnecessary things, or more importantly, I feel bad that despite knowing I shouldn't spend on such things, I ignored my own conscience and proceeded to spend, only to experience the inevitable guilt and the crying over spilt milk. I feel bad that I haven't thanked God for every little blessing that I have received. I feel bad that I haven't exploited all my talents. I feel bad that at school, I remained so very inactive. I feel bad for all the times I've said bad things about my teachers. I feel bad for the many times I thought my own country was inferior.
There will be a time when I pay for all of this, but when that time will come, I do not know. I do know that I leave my mistakes behind with the hopes of never forgetting them, and yet never repeating them. I hope that forever, I remain humble and repent. Now, I'm a changed man, one who swears to stand up to his conscience, one who swears to respect and love his parents, grandparents, family and friends, one who will remain calm and less angry, one who would say less hurtful things. Above all, I'll be one who's grateful for what he's got. I can't erase my mistakes and sins, but I can start by saying sorry, and actually meaning it. So,here I am, and I am sorry........................................
Secondly, I've been a bad son to my parents. I failed to remember that they too had problems, and real viable problems unlike me, but I refused to see them because I was stuck inside my selfish and narcissistic cocoon. I wish I could openly speak about all this, but I am too cowardly to accept my faults in the open. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful father, whose knowledge of music, cricket, racing, football, and so many other things, among music and books have given me hours and hours of admiration and joy. My mother's perseverance has no equal. Her never-ending love for me was something I did not see, and I spat on it with my rebelliousness and anger. I took the things they said way too seriously, when they were stressed beyond measure and when I knew they didn't mean it. I wish I could pay for this, because their sacrifices are too great. I feel bad about only thinking about myself most of the time. I feel bad for allowing myself to get provoked, manipulated and angry so easily.
I feel bad for lying to Titus, and still blaming him silently for his anger despite knowing that his anger was justified. I feel bad for all the times I've knowingly and unknowingly behaved rudely to security guards,rickshaw drivers, and maids. I feel bad for ruining the mood of many other people just because my mood was bad. I feel bad for showing all my pseudo-problems to the world and attracting pity. I feel bad for being a bad grandson and forgetting that old-age has its own tensions,again I became a self obsessed narcissist.
I feel bad for not working the hardest and giving my best effort towards studies despite the fact that millions would even kill to get the opportunities which I've received and to some extent,wasted. I feel bad for spending large amounts of money on unnecessary things, or more importantly, I feel bad that despite knowing I shouldn't spend on such things, I ignored my own conscience and proceeded to spend, only to experience the inevitable guilt and the crying over spilt milk. I feel bad that I haven't thanked God for every little blessing that I have received. I feel bad that I haven't exploited all my talents. I feel bad that at school, I remained so very inactive. I feel bad for all the times I've said bad things about my teachers. I feel bad for the many times I thought my own country was inferior.
There will be a time when I pay for all of this, but when that time will come, I do not know. I do know that I leave my mistakes behind with the hopes of never forgetting them, and yet never repeating them. I hope that forever, I remain humble and repent. Now, I'm a changed man, one who swears to stand up to his conscience, one who swears to respect and love his parents, grandparents, family and friends, one who will remain calm and less angry, one who would say less hurtful things. Above all, I'll be one who's grateful for what he's got. I can't erase my mistakes and sins, but I can start by saying sorry, and actually meaning it. So,here I am, and I am sorry........................................
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Mike
Let me introduce you to Mike,
I'm proud to say that he has no pride,
What I said above,I mean it,
For he never,for anything,saw himself fit.
Yet,he behaves many a times,strange,
If others found him unfit,he would fly up a rage,
There are but a few things he valued,
If he found a friend,he would remain with them,glued.
He sold his heart to the needy,
He looked with spite on the greedy,
He was very young,yet he wanted,
To be good,helpful,kind and undaunted.
He was a very serious and sad lad,
Many thought his actions to be mad,
He wanted to be good in other's eyes,but in vain,
For one small wrong action,and all is washed away like rain.
He was a lad with a conflicted mind,
He was never clear what to abide,
To betrayal,he was no stranger,
For he knew first-hand from those he held dear.
He was negative,pessimistic and in pain,
He thought any attempt he made would be in vain,
Pity was something he loved,
No matter how or from who,pity he welcomed.
He was known for his short temper,
Yet he begged to show that he was also tender,
To anyone who'd ask,help he would give,
If he would refuse,then he wouldn't live.
He loved technology and video games,
He was bad at remembering dates and names,
Like most,he too believed in true love,
He wished she would love him,and as a sign,release the dove.
He hated to look at his reflection,
He felt his ugliness was beyond comprehension,
He wished there would be someone,
Who wouldn't say hurtful things, at least for once.
He struggled to find the right words,
That would set him free like the birds,
He wished he could laugh and smile more,
But he always knew he had a sad core.
He wanted to know the aim of life,
He wanted to end the struggle and strife,
He sometimes thought everything would end,
When things were too damaged for him to mend.
Above all,he is thankful,
To the one above,who is merciful,
He wishes he wouldn't wake up from his dreams,
For in dreams,everything is what it seems.
Last but not the least,I mention,
That he is a coward filled with tension,
Every night,filled with regret he would lay,
For he knows it is himself he had betrayed......
I'm proud to say that he has no pride,
What I said above,I mean it,
For he never,for anything,saw himself fit.
Yet,he behaves many a times,strange,
If others found him unfit,he would fly up a rage,
There are but a few things he valued,
If he found a friend,he would remain with them,glued.
He sold his heart to the needy,
He looked with spite on the greedy,
He was very young,yet he wanted,
To be good,helpful,kind and undaunted.
He was a very serious and sad lad,
Many thought his actions to be mad,
He wanted to be good in other's eyes,but in vain,
For one small wrong action,and all is washed away like rain.
He was a lad with a conflicted mind,
He was never clear what to abide,
To betrayal,he was no stranger,
For he knew first-hand from those he held dear.
He was negative,pessimistic and in pain,
He thought any attempt he made would be in vain,
Pity was something he loved,
No matter how or from who,pity he welcomed.
He was known for his short temper,
Yet he begged to show that he was also tender,
To anyone who'd ask,help he would give,
If he would refuse,then he wouldn't live.
He loved technology and video games,
He was bad at remembering dates and names,
Like most,he too believed in true love,
He wished she would love him,and as a sign,release the dove.
He hated to look at his reflection,
He felt his ugliness was beyond comprehension,
He wished there would be someone,
Who wouldn't say hurtful things, at least for once.
He struggled to find the right words,
That would set him free like the birds,
He wished he could laugh and smile more,
But he always knew he had a sad core.
He wanted to know the aim of life,
He wanted to end the struggle and strife,
He sometimes thought everything would end,
When things were too damaged for him to mend.
Above all,he is thankful,
To the one above,who is merciful,
He wishes he wouldn't wake up from his dreams,
For in dreams,everything is what it seems.
Last but not the least,I mention,
That he is a coward filled with tension,
Every night,filled with regret he would lay,
For he knows it is himself he had betrayed......
Friday, May 14, 2010
Enough Of The Lies
I spent some time recently to think deep within,about what I've said before about me,more specifically, about the negativity in me.I said that being negative keeps me going.I said that negativity is my cocaine,my alcohol,my novacaine,my cigarette.I even said that I'm a masochist,because I feel good if I'm negative,while I feel miserable if I'm happy or positive.But now,I've realised that that was just a lie,an excuse from my part for why I'm so negative.
The real reason,I fear,is that I've been so negative that I don't know how to feel truly happy or optimistic.Yes,to reassure others,I pretend to be optimistic,but inside,I'm pessimistic.Some people would call being pessimistic as being realistic,but I for sure don't.Here's how I feel about being negative.I feel like there's the tallest wall separating me and my heart from the outside things,and there's a guard,a sinister guard with the most imposing stare,who keeps guard on the only door and allows only negative thought and things to enter.Another thought I've had is that I'm on an island separated from the mainland,the only connection being a bridge which is incomplete,with a gap too large for me to jump over to,and with nothingness below,nothing but blackness.
I've realised that negativity isn't something I cherish or use to keep sane.The logical reason could be that I've seen so much negative things,that my mind thinks only negativity exists,while positivity is a dreamer's feeling.But the thing that hit me like a sucker-punch is,I've been feeling so negative for so long,that I've forgotten what its like to be optimistic,to be truly happy.I don't even recognise when I feel real happiness,and when I'm faking it.That's scary.Now,I want this negativity to leave me,despite the fear that if it does leave,will I be left with emptiness inside.I do want to welcome a change,but to not know what the change will be,how it will change me,how I'll feel,that's scary.I don't know if anyone else feels the same like me,unable to recognise anything other than negativity.Its so strange,when people tell me "He was so positive always,you should have met him",and I have no clue what they mean.I don't even know how to remove negativity,its become a part of me now.I voluntarily punish myself.If I try to think of my talents and gifts,I can't even find 10 in my mind,and maybe that's the effect of negativity,a feeling that I'm nothing.
I refused to accept help from anyone,and at the same time,knew that I needed help.I don't know if I can change,especially considering the fact that I don't know anything except negativity,and maybe love too.What if I remain like this 20 years from now?A selfish(because many times,especially in this blog,I've written only about me),negative,angry,self loathing ugly piece of crap?Will I push everyone away?Will I intentionally make a fool of myself just so that others laugh at me,like now?Will I lose any prospect of leading a normal life with a family,and instead,live in my own prison? Through some miracle,will I start to appreciate life and myself?Will I stop pushing people away when they try to help?Will I say the things that are truly in my mind,instead of lying just so that no one knows about the real me?Maybe its my own choice to be negative that drove out all other feelings from me,and now,as I look back,all I see is nothingness,as I don't remember what those other feelings were.I wish that one day,I would be strong enough to take a decision,without breaking my head over its consequences,and without being torn apart by the choices and loyalties.If that day ever comes,when I am no longer negative,when I feel something new,then I would say that it is Utopia come true...............................
The real reason,I fear,is that I've been so negative that I don't know how to feel truly happy or optimistic.Yes,to reassure others,I pretend to be optimistic,but inside,I'm pessimistic.Some people would call being pessimistic as being realistic,but I for sure don't.Here's how I feel about being negative.I feel like there's the tallest wall separating me and my heart from the outside things,and there's a guard,a sinister guard with the most imposing stare,who keeps guard on the only door and allows only negative thought and things to enter.Another thought I've had is that I'm on an island separated from the mainland,the only connection being a bridge which is incomplete,with a gap too large for me to jump over to,and with nothingness below,nothing but blackness.
I've realised that negativity isn't something I cherish or use to keep sane.The logical reason could be that I've seen so much negative things,that my mind thinks only negativity exists,while positivity is a dreamer's feeling.But the thing that hit me like a sucker-punch is,I've been feeling so negative for so long,that I've forgotten what its like to be optimistic,to be truly happy.I don't even recognise when I feel real happiness,and when I'm faking it.That's scary.Now,I want this negativity to leave me,despite the fear that if it does leave,will I be left with emptiness inside.I do want to welcome a change,but to not know what the change will be,how it will change me,how I'll feel,that's scary.I don't know if anyone else feels the same like me,unable to recognise anything other than negativity.Its so strange,when people tell me "He was so positive always,you should have met him",and I have no clue what they mean.I don't even know how to remove negativity,its become a part of me now.I voluntarily punish myself.If I try to think of my talents and gifts,I can't even find 10 in my mind,and maybe that's the effect of negativity,a feeling that I'm nothing.
I refused to accept help from anyone,and at the same time,knew that I needed help.I don't know if I can change,especially considering the fact that I don't know anything except negativity,and maybe love too.What if I remain like this 20 years from now?A selfish(because many times,especially in this blog,I've written only about me),negative,angry,self loathing ugly piece of crap?Will I push everyone away?Will I intentionally make a fool of myself just so that others laugh at me,like now?Will I lose any prospect of leading a normal life with a family,and instead,live in my own prison? Through some miracle,will I start to appreciate life and myself?Will I stop pushing people away when they try to help?Will I say the things that are truly in my mind,instead of lying just so that no one knows about the real me?Maybe its my own choice to be negative that drove out all other feelings from me,and now,as I look back,all I see is nothingness,as I don't remember what those other feelings were.I wish that one day,I would be strong enough to take a decision,without breaking my head over its consequences,and without being torn apart by the choices and loyalties.If that day ever comes,when I am no longer negative,when I feel something new,then I would say that it is Utopia come true...............................
Sunday, May 9, 2010
A Change Of Seasons Part Deux
Hello again. A few days ago (or maybe weeks,days are getting fuzzy),I had made a post called A Change Of Seasons. I remember it very well today. But right now,I'm writing this post due to the same inspiration as the one for my first post-the very same movie called Rithu. I had the chance to watch the whole movie all over again,and as I was watching and re-analysing the story, a new thought came to me. I remember that I had written that we should change like the seasons,and that forgetting is the key to change. I had written that I,and almost anybody else,should welcome a change. Well, here I am with another thought. But to tell you what I have in mind, I'll have to go a little into the main character of the movie.
His name is Sarath. He is a software engineer, who has a passion for writing. Due to some circumstances, he had to leave Kerala for USA. But eventually, he returned after three long years. To him, his friends were dearest. He claimed that the main reason for his return was to be with his friends again. But towards the end of the movie, as he faced betrayal, he understood that his friends were not the same people that he had left behind three years ago. He knew they had changed, but he hadn't. This left him heartbroken, but then, he took his life-changing decision to be like the seasons,and change,because people also changed.
Now,coming back to my thoughts. Sarath had to change because he saw that those dear to him,those he wished wouldn't change, had changed. Circumstances forced him to change with the seasons. So,here comes the question that has been in my mind for so long. Is changing the only good outcome? Is it always good to change with the seasons? Or is it good to be who you were? For some,a change is necessary,but for some,maybe a change is bad.
The thought of a tree came into my mind. A big, tall, and old tree, with its bark looking like the skin of a leper (originally this idea was expressed by the poet Gieve Patel,but its beautiful,so I put it here,no plagiarism intended). It sheds its leaves during Autumn, remains barren in winter, starts blooming in spring, and shines in summer's heat. But, other than these physical changes, does any other change affect the tree? If we change, will the tree change its normal routine? It will still do as it always does. Maybe this is also good in some cases. Imagine if every little change plagued us to change. Wouldn't we be torn into pieces? So, my leaving thought is this-decide when to change and when not to,and choose what change changes you. For me,I want to change,I want to be positive and happy. But recently, I realized that being really happy makes me miserable. I realized that feeling negative and upset actually keeps me from losing my frame of logic. This is my Novocaine,my cigarette,my alcohol,my cocaine. It keeps me going.Yet,everyone wants me to change and be more happy. They want me to cherish happiness.Will I change? Well,I certainly do not want to change, but at the same time,I do not want my being me to change others.So,when the time comes,I'll decide,and I know it won't be an easy choice.But every time I need to decide about a change,I'll think of this movie,of the tree,and of this post...........................................
His name is Sarath. He is a software engineer, who has a passion for writing. Due to some circumstances, he had to leave Kerala for USA. But eventually, he returned after three long years. To him, his friends were dearest. He claimed that the main reason for his return was to be with his friends again. But towards the end of the movie, as he faced betrayal, he understood that his friends were not the same people that he had left behind three years ago. He knew they had changed, but he hadn't. This left him heartbroken, but then, he took his life-changing decision to be like the seasons,and change,because people also changed.
Now,coming back to my thoughts. Sarath had to change because he saw that those dear to him,those he wished wouldn't change, had changed. Circumstances forced him to change with the seasons. So,here comes the question that has been in my mind for so long. Is changing the only good outcome? Is it always good to change with the seasons? Or is it good to be who you were? For some,a change is necessary,but for some,maybe a change is bad.
The thought of a tree came into my mind. A big, tall, and old tree, with its bark looking like the skin of a leper (originally this idea was expressed by the poet Gieve Patel,but its beautiful,so I put it here,no plagiarism intended). It sheds its leaves during Autumn, remains barren in winter, starts blooming in spring, and shines in summer's heat. But, other than these physical changes, does any other change affect the tree? If we change, will the tree change its normal routine? It will still do as it always does. Maybe this is also good in some cases. Imagine if every little change plagued us to change. Wouldn't we be torn into pieces? So, my leaving thought is this-decide when to change and when not to,and choose what change changes you. For me,I want to change,I want to be positive and happy. But recently, I realized that being really happy makes me miserable. I realized that feeling negative and upset actually keeps me from losing my frame of logic. This is my Novocaine,my cigarette,my alcohol,my cocaine. It keeps me going.Yet,everyone wants me to change and be more happy. They want me to cherish happiness.Will I change? Well,I certainly do not want to change, but at the same time,I do not want my being me to change others.So,when the time comes,I'll decide,and I know it won't be an easy choice.But every time I need to decide about a change,I'll think of this movie,of the tree,and of this post...........................................
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A Late Truth
Hello, after such a long time. All these times, I've been pretending to consider this blog as my diary of sorts, where I write whatever that's in my mind. But I must confess, I haven't been entirely frank. There has been something which I have kept hidden so far. There is a reason for it. But before all that, let me put you out of your misery. The thing I've kept hidden so far, is the universal thing known as love. And don't get me wrong, obviously I love my family and all, but this love is the love for another girl.
Let me tell you one thing, I have not, and I do not plan to tell my feelings to her any time soon, and I won't go into the why, suffice it to say that if I open up any time soon, things can go bad not just for me, but for her also. I don't want her to suffer because of me, so I'll wait till the time is right. Here's what I think. I think that she is perfect, atleast to me. She is kind hearted, she is beautiful, she is nice, she is dedicated, she is loving, and she has amazing values. The first time I met her, I didn't even imagine that I would fall in love with her. Later, I tried convincing myself that its just a crush, and it'll pass, but it didn't. With every passing day, I keep thinking more and more about her. The thought of her voice, her smiling face calms my senses.
Yesterday, my grandmother had a haemorrhage. After her getting admitted to the hospital, for some unknown reason, I couldn't feel anything, not sorrow, not fear, not anger, nothing. But later, as my thoughts went back to her, I started feeling better. I felt optimistic that I wasn't an emotionless robot, and that maybe my numbness was normal. Many times, even when I'm full of negativity, thinking about her enlightens me, and I feel like I'm weightless, flying in the air (okay, don't laugh, the weightless thing was meant to be a metaphor). I feel overjoyed. Every time I chat with her, see her picture, see her personally, talk to her and hear her beautiful and reassuring voice, I sometimes regret that I can't tell her how much I love her, but I still pray that one day, she'll understand. I also have the illusion that if she says no (the bar is tipped toward it), then I'll calmly convince myself that its for some unknown but valid reason, but then, I can't lie or hide the fact that I'll be filled with grief.
Many times, I've tried to show my true self to her, my subtle self, my patient self, my philosophical self. But in the end, all that comes out is a loud mouthed, blabbering, abusing fool. Maybe I've lost any chance of her liking me, but still, I hope that I'll one day be able to hug her, and whisper into her ears the three magic words -"I love you", and maybe, just maybe, she'll forget my faults and mistakes, and say "I love you too". After all, what's the harm in hoping and dreaming?
Let me tell you one thing, I have not, and I do not plan to tell my feelings to her any time soon, and I won't go into the why, suffice it to say that if I open up any time soon, things can go bad not just for me, but for her also. I don't want her to suffer because of me, so I'll wait till the time is right. Here's what I think. I think that she is perfect, atleast to me. She is kind hearted, she is beautiful, she is nice, she is dedicated, she is loving, and she has amazing values. The first time I met her, I didn't even imagine that I would fall in love with her. Later, I tried convincing myself that its just a crush, and it'll pass, but it didn't. With every passing day, I keep thinking more and more about her. The thought of her voice, her smiling face calms my senses.
Yesterday, my grandmother had a haemorrhage. After her getting admitted to the hospital, for some unknown reason, I couldn't feel anything, not sorrow, not fear, not anger, nothing. But later, as my thoughts went back to her, I started feeling better. I felt optimistic that I wasn't an emotionless robot, and that maybe my numbness was normal. Many times, even when I'm full of negativity, thinking about her enlightens me, and I feel like I'm weightless, flying in the air (okay, don't laugh, the weightless thing was meant to be a metaphor). I feel overjoyed. Every time I chat with her, see her picture, see her personally, talk to her and hear her beautiful and reassuring voice, I sometimes regret that I can't tell her how much I love her, but I still pray that one day, she'll understand. I also have the illusion that if she says no (the bar is tipped toward it), then I'll calmly convince myself that its for some unknown but valid reason, but then, I can't lie or hide the fact that I'll be filled with grief.
Many times, I've tried to show my true self to her, my subtle self, my patient self, my philosophical self. But in the end, all that comes out is a loud mouthed, blabbering, abusing fool. Maybe I've lost any chance of her liking me, but still, I hope that I'll one day be able to hug her, and whisper into her ears the three magic words -"I love you", and maybe, just maybe, she'll forget my faults and mistakes, and say "I love you too". After all, what's the harm in hoping and dreaming?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Awake
Today, I woke up, and I felt different. I did not know what the different thing was. One thing was sure, I was really happy because my mother agreed to buy me a PS3. After a lot of personal argument, debate, and conflict, I had said yes to my mom for getting the PS3. Before, I would have felt guilty for even the smallest extravagance in spending, but recently, I, along with the help of my friends, convinced myself that its okay to buy a PS3. I mean, you get to enjoy life only during these years right? Plus, if I remain modest, then there will be no problem or guilt. Today also, I met kacka, whom I mentioned in a previous post. Today too, he blessed me, and said I would never be sad (I know that won't come true :p) and for some reason, I felt good, rather than all depressed on seeing his tattered clothes. Today, I also felt an almost alien feeling- courage. I felt strong and brave. All these days, I have been worrying about the future. Would I have a good well earning job? Will I be able to take care of my parents? Would I get a loving wife? Would I be a good parent? I thought of all these unnecessary and crazy crap, and today, for a strange and unknown reason, I wasn't unsure or afraid. I somehow convinced myself, that life would take its course. So, after a long time of self imposed misery and exile, I've woken up. I now feel happier than ever. Yet, a strange nagging feeling that I'm happy now because there's misery ahead is there on my mind, but I'm determined to be happy, atleast for a few days. Many of my close friends have begun to get sick of my always being negative and depressed, and its time for me to change.
I wrote in a post before, that like seasons change, we should also change. Well, I plan on changing, for the better. I will be a more cheerful person, a better person. I will forever remember this day, as the day I woke up from my dreaming.
I wrote in a post before, that like seasons change, we should also change. Well, I plan on changing, for the better. I will be a more cheerful person, a better person. I will forever remember this day, as the day I woke up from my dreaming.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
