A Late Goodbye

Today,two whole years of hard work ended. All of us have imagined how it would be. We all might have had thoughts of how to have fun and freak out. Some of us might have had thoughts of their future careers and colleges. I had thoughts about my friends. As the 10th ended, it was time to say goodbye. I was just imagining how all of us were going to part ways. It was scary to think whether two years of sharing troubles and tensions, and forming an unbreakable bond of friendship would stand the test of separation. Then again,what is the point of calling a friendship as "unbreakable" if we're unsure of this?But anyway,this was just one of the many questions going on in my head as the clock was ticking towards the end of the last three hours of my 10th standard life.

Soon,the paper was over,and it was time to say goodbye. Strangely,all most of us ever did was shake hands,and wish each other best of luck. Now,after coming back home,and letting my miserable thoughts take over,I feel very sad,sad that the days of making fun of classmates, imitating teachers,cracking jokes,sleeping in boring classes,all has come to an end.We begin junior college in a few days,and we'll have too much on our plates to do all of this.But most of all,I miss the company of my buddies.I guess,now proves the statement that you don't realize the value of the things you have until you lose them. I thought of all the days that I didn't cherish my friendship.I thought of the times when I said hurtful things,or had fights for silly things. I also thought how these little things make the friendship I shared with others beautiful. Maybe it is too late to say goodbye,but remember friends, you all have given me the opportunity to experience one of the best feelings in the world-true friendship.

"We keep drivin' into the night,

Its a late goodbye,

Such a late goodbye"

These are the lyrics of a Poets Of The Fall song,called "Late Goodbye",and its what's playing in my head now.I do not know if I'll meet them again,but I pray I do,and I pray our friendship never dies.So,my dearest friends, Titus, Monil, Sarvesh and Hari, this post is dedicated to you guys, thanks again, and I'm sorry for not giving a proper goodbye, and also if I've hurt any of you in anyway. Maybe,20 years from now,we'll all meet again,with our families,and we'll laugh about the past days, and have a good time walking down memory lane. I hope that day comes. Until then.........

A Stupid Poem

Well, I was awakening my inner poet, and thought I would take him for a spin. This poem isn't anything great, but hey, its my blog, so what the heck,I'll post it! Here goes nothing..........

I open a big book which is mine,
I slowly read the first few lines,
And as I read I realise,
There is no light on the other side.

Man has become a dangerous monster,
His own creations cause disasters,

Every morning we see the sun rise,

But our coldness prevents us from enjoying its light.

As for me, I've made a cocoon,

I've put myself in it as I write this tune,

I do not open it because I fear

That the truth outside will leave me in tears,

For fifteen years I've lived a life,

Fulfilling other's dreams and listening to their lies,

But now I've finally opened my eyes,

And I do not like what I see inside.

I see a person broken, beat and scarred,

Who, in his quest to be happy, got himself marred,

But when he found the truth one day,

He realised that he could not find his way.

He was lost, he was frail,

He was a ship with a broken sail,

He could see the waves before him rise,

He could see nothing beyond its great height.

He tried in vain to make his ship turn,

And suddenly in front of him appeared a magic urn,

It told him of the glorious days of past,

Where no matter how broken, men would mend their mast.

In life we may think we are alone,

But we will always find a way back home,

This story put hope in his eyes,

As he saw a small ray of sunshine.

Okay, that was a stupid poem, I get it, but I had to write it, or my head won't stop pounding, I don't know why!!Just in case you wondered, the 'he' in this poem is me only. Okay,that's that, and I'm glad its done with. Thanks for reading this!!!

A Mix Of Feelings

First of all,this post is not like my other usual long posts,this is,well,something personal. Its about midnight here, and I'm supposed to be studying EE, but strangely, I don't have the concentration to do it. Every time I pick up the book, my mind wanders. I think about the things I've done, the things I think about, the kind of friends I have, the world I live in, the things i do, etcetera etcetera.

Its recently become a ritual, that after each board exam, I go to Subway, and buy a sandwich for about 170 bucks( a foot-long one in case you're wondering), but after I eat, I keep wondering whether I deserve this, whether its right to spend so much after every exam when I can do so much good to so many people. The funny thing is, although I feel guilty to the core, especially after seeing so many homeless people, the next board exam, I am eager to eat from there again!

Guilt is a feeling which always stays with me. I could even go as far as calling it my best friend, as it sticks with me through all the times. I feel guilty for so many things, like blowing up so much cash on things I don't need, like say a sandwich from Subway, or an Xbox 360. I even asked my grandparents to get me a Playstation 3 after the boards. I feel so so guilty, that I have so much to spend, so much to enjoy, while others don't. But it doesn't end there. I feel especially guilty that I get so much good blessings, while others don't, despite the fact that I am not such a good person. I am ashamed of myself for so many things. I get angry very quickly and sometimes say unthinkable things in my rage, I think of bad things about the people who love me when I am angry, I hate myself. Instead of studying, I waste time by keeping the book open in front of me, even though I fully realise that my parents spend a lot on my education, which millions would give anything to have. I feel guilty that I can't be a good person, that no matter what I try, I still revert to the same old way. Today, I may see a poor kid begging for food, and I may say that I don't need something like a Playstation 3, but the very next day, I still want it. Why can't I be a good person? Why do I have to be angry all the time? Why do I always have to say things that hurt the people who care about me? Why do I hate myself?

There are times when in my head, as these thoughts churn around, another voice comes up, as if it were a conversation going on in my head. The two voices say the opposite things, and every time, it feels like chains are pulling my head away from my neck. Sometimes, I just want to yell "FU*K THIS WORLD" at the top of my voice, in my anger and frustrations, because I disappoint myself and the people who want me to do well in life, and I can't take this any longer, I just can't. I always lie to myself, in a dream world, that maybe one day in the future, I will be truly happy, with a loving family, but I just don't know what true happiness means, I just don't. I have been pretending to be happy for so long, that I just realised that what I've been feeling all this time was not even remotely close to happiness. The only thing close to real happiness that I have experience is when I helped some of my friends when they needed me, but then, that was just once. I yearn to be happy, to be a better human being, to do something worthwhile in this life, to hope that one day when I am gone, someone will miss me. I yearn to end my guilt, to find a way to not feel guilty, and to find the strength needed. I yearn........

A Bad Change

I am sick of a particular word.You may be wondering what it is,and I will surely tell you,but please also read my explanations and the things that follow.Well,let me put you out of your misery.The word I am referring to is "topper".Don't make judgements or get angry,please read on.I am a student who is about to complete his 10th standard.I am,without any doubt,just an average student.I get a meagre 69% in the school exams.I have been living with the word "average" etched in my head.People tell me to look up to the "toppers".To be frank,I tried to.I wanted genuinely to get great marks,but as I thought about this "topper" syndrome,I felt sickened by it.Yes,it is indeed an amazing feat if one tops his or her class,I am not denying it,but the reason I am sick of it is not because I don't get as good marks as the toppers do,but because of the fact this casts a shadow over the lives of every student.

In today's world,where education plays a very important role in helping us lead a good life, marks do have an important role,but marks aren't everything.In fact,I am sick of the fact that "Good Marks" have been confused for "Good Education".What happens if a student is unable to concentrate? What happens if the teachers and institutes give preference to these so called "toppers"?What will then happen to average joes like me? Do we get a kick in the butt from life? Will we be flushed away and forgot? The answer to the question,to many people's surprise,is a no. People have been giving so much emphasis to marks that the word "topper" is being used only for high scorers. What everyone fails to realise is that we all are toppers in our own way,in our own field. Let me ask you something,what is the point in life if everybody were to get good marks? Wouldn't that make everyone the same?Would you like to live in a perfect world,where everyone has the same talents?Wouldn't life be very very boring then?The fact is,although we all dream of perfection,a perfect world would be the last thing we need.In fact,the world we live in is the way it is due to the many imperfections!

Each and every person has been given a talent. It doesn't have to be in the field of education only. It can be kindness,understanding,or maybe writing,or movie making, debating, acting, singing, playing an instrument, public speaking, and countless other things. I am proud to say I draw reasonably well, I understand the logics of programming pretty well, although I am nervous, I can do quite well in speeches and debates, I can also be a good friend, I have a great passion for films. Because of this realisation, I can do whatever I want with my life, although I need courage too! Marks won't stop me from being a game programmer, or a film maker, a novelist, or a journalist, or a musician, or any of the countless other professions in this world.

Before, I too was a victim of the topper syndrome. I was constantly afraid whether I could get into a prestigious college, a good coaching class, etcetera etcetera. Now, I am confident that I can use my gifts, and still lead a happy life, without being a topper. So can anybody, if they realise their gifts. People keep telling us to look at the glass half full, and recognising one's gifts and talents is surely a way of looking at the glass half full.

I recently read on the pamphlet of a coaching class that most of the "toppers" had chosen them. I was baffled as to why it would matter to anyone if the "toppers" had chosen the particular coaching class. Suddenly, the realisation dawned to me. Most of the parents( I am sorry to say, and I am not generalizing) force their children to blindly emulate the toppers, and thus, that particular coaching class had wisely exploited this grave flaw in our society. In doing this to a child, his own goals and dreams are destroyed. He will never be truly happy.

Take another country, say the USA, for example. So many people do so many different courses and jobs. Over there, there is an opportunity for any person, with any passion and talent. They follow their dreams and remain happy, and indirectly, since they are happy, they do a good job, and help USA be better, so everyone's happy. MIT is regarded as the best engineering institute, while Harvard and Stanford are best at management. There are so many other excellent institutes in so many other fields, yet I've never seen them use the word "topper".There are 2 reasons for this. Firstly and sadly,in our wonderful country( India in case you didn't know), if one doesn't do engineering or MBA or medicine or any of the stereotypical courses, he or she is presumed to be doomed, while over there, people are encouraged and supported in any course they choose, and emotional support and respect is a very necessary thing, which everyone yearns for. Even if a person is successful in some field which is not respected by most Indians, he or she is shunned, disrespected, and looked down upon. Secondly, in the USA, and many other countries like Norway, Sweden, Holland(the list goes on!), there is an opportunity for a person who has done any course. Nobody is kicked out just based on the type of course which they do. There are places for a person with any talent, which I am sad to say, is not true in the case of India. Maybe this is a contributing factor.

Here's another take on the whole thing. Imagine for a moment that a student sincerely does want to do something like engineering or MBA or medicine, in a reputed college, yet he gets only average marks, will he get where he wants to go? There is a big question mark in that particular question, and the reason again is "topper". The few existing prestigious colleges accept only the so called "toppers", and never try to take in the people with genuine interest. They do not help the people in need, and try to take the easy way out by accepting only the so called "smart" people. As a result, not only are the dreams of many people crushed, along with hope, but also the whole generation of people become test takers and scorers, but forget to think freely, be innovative and improvise and survive in any situation, and we become like robots! The colleges may say that only "toppers" can comprehend what is being taught, but I say its a big load of crap. Anyone, if given the proper attention with patience, can become educated and great.

"Educated"- that's a strange word now, isn't it? Nowadays, it has been so twisted, that anyone with good grades is said to be "educated", while if you ask him or her a question after an exam, the person won't remember. In fact, there are so many people with no college degree, who have a great knowledge on so many things!!!We need to change our ways! Getting back to the topic at hand, people consider toppers as successful, but they are wrong. There is no guarantee that the "toppers" will lead a successful life. Life is a race, and all good marks will do is maybe give an unfair advantage, a head start in the race, but there is nothing that stops those who start from behind from winning. We all have out pros and cons, for some, its studying well, but what's to say that those same people are not arrogant and mean ass-holes? Like I said, we all have our pros and cons, and its up to us to live with it.

The "topper" also has another problem. It ruins peace, and friendship. The very reason childhood was considered special is now gone. Parents compare their children with their friends. My own best friend was depressed because his parents thought I get much more marks, hence he shouldn't socialise with me, as I might look down on him and think badly of him! Where have the great values of good friendship and trust gone? Has friendship, a very beautiful thing, also been reduced by the "topper" syndrome? With marks, friends rarely start to look each other in the eye. In our race for success, we forget to live life. How different life used to be, I can only imagine from the stories my grandfather told me. Before, the world wasn't constantly running a race for life, and kids got to have fun. Is this what we have become? Is this what we will continue to be? Or, will we get worse? Will we forget to love, to share our feelings, to enjoy life's little joys? Like the film Matrix, will we become a part of a predefined and stereotype world? I pray not, and I pray you think about all I have written, for the lives of children, their sanity, and the future of the world depends on it. What have we become? What a bad change!!

The Hard Way

A memory is what made me write this post.

Three years ago,when I was studying in a school in Trivandrum,when I was in my seventh standard,it was a very sunny day,certainly not a day for the school to hold an outdoor assembly.They did hold an outdoor assembly under the searing sun,and my friends and I were complaining(that's what we did best!!).We were all made to stand according to our class divisions,in a single file,as speech after speech was made,but one speech in particular captured my interested.It was the respected and revered headmaster himself.His speech was about how the school stood for excellence and that kind of things,but one line which he said still stands clear in my mind.This is what he said:

"There are three kind of people in this world.Those who choose to take no challenges and want to lead life in an easy way will lead an easy,yet boring life.Those who take on challenges and face them bravely will lead a tough,yet satisfying life.Those who take on the impossible,will be remembered."

How true this is!!But I didn't get time to deeply think about the gravity of this statement until recently.Some of my own personal issues inspired some interesting...well...discoveries or rather deductions.I belong to a middle class family,who gives great emphasis to education.I am thankful that I do get good marks,but,a few months ago,I realised that although I may get good marks,I don't have a genuine interest in studies,somehow I don't feel happy or satisfied with what I do.For reasons unknown,my headmaster's speech came into my mind,and I let my mind wander.I thought of many great people,many films too,and I came to a conclusion.

My conclusion was that every person is given a particular talent which he or she is good at,but at the same time,he or she will have an innate desire to pursue his or her heart's desire,and there lies the challenge.My headmaster once said about those who take on the easy path and lead a boring life,and my view is,those who don't pursue their heart's desire,and instead,do what they are already good at,instead of doing what makes them happy,are taking the easy way.There are so many people,like the director Mani Ratnam,who have done their engineering and MBA and what not,yet pursued their dreams.They did what others thought they were good at,but in the end,they realised their heart's desires and worked toward it.I feel those are the people who actually lead a satisfying life.You may ask-"Where is the challenge in following your heart's desire by just changing your profession?".Well,the answer is,in today's society,where others freely give their opinion,and where society shun's people based on certain prejudices,it is indeed tough to do what your heart tells you to do.In my case,everyone wants me to do engineering,and then get a job,then do my masters,and life goes on and on.I on the other hand,want to attend film school,and then,maybe be an assistant to some director,so that I can learn the ropes,and maybe one day view my own work hit the silver screen.That is my heart's desire,because I know I will feel happy if I accomplish this,but my own family are preventing it.So,isn't it a challenge indeed to follow your heart's desire,take the tough way,and feel happy at the end of a hard day's work?This is the hard way,which my wise headmaster once spoke of,and the hard way doesn't mean just doing something physically difficult,but doing something which you feel is right,when others are against it,be it something as small as feeding stray dogs,or achieving your dreams.I hope to one day achieve my heart's goal of making a movie,and I just hope that when the time comes where I make my choice,I don't lose faith.I certainly hope you don't too!!

Let me introduce myself

Hi people.
This is my first blog post,and strangely its my board exams now!!!I got sick of studying,so,I'm writing now!!First of all,a big thank you for taking the time to read what i write.My name is Achyuth,i'm basically a douchebag(sorry!!).I'm a geek,who loves gaming,watching movies and listening to music(any kind,as long as its beautiful).I'm a couch potato.My only passion is movies.If I see a wonderful movie,no matter what genre,I think about it all the time,and it stays in my heart.Maybe one day,i will write my own story and see it come on screen!I named this blog as "The Grove Street's Blog" because of some reasons.For starters,Grand Theft Auto San Andreas was one of my favourite video games,but the place where it was set,Grove Street(you guessed it!!),well,its awesome,and my best friend and I always used to pretend to be living there,pretending to be the heroes,because there,we would be respected,unlike the real world.Another reason is,Grove Street is not a real place,and well,in this blog,I tend to write whatever is in my mind,and most of it is not feasible in the real world,so,a fictional world would be ideal,don't you think?I think its fair that you should know what i will be writing in the future.I'll write my views on some things that are happening in the world,I will write stories,poems,and whatever else interests me.The reason I write is,well,first off,I am a totally different person when I write,than when I talk to someone face to face.I tend to make a fool of myself all the time when I talk to someone face to face.Movies are my life.I don't have that many good friends,just 4 to be exact.One thing is,if I see someone in need of help,I give it the best shot,and i'm not trying to brag about myself.Well,I guess you must have had enough of my personal ramblings.I'll give my next post soon(dunno when),because its my boards.Well,have a good day,reader,and thanks again for reading my sorry ass blog!!!!

Yours truly,

Achyuth